Someone Needs to Start This Blog and I’ll Be Damned If I’m Second

I’m starting this blog because no one else has, someone has to, and I’ll be damned if I’m second. Also because it’s 4:17 am and I can’t sleep – after ditching my bed and curling up on the living room floor with a giant stuffed bear didn’t work, I decided to give up and go do something productive.

My name’s Kinsey and I have two moms and two little sisters. Only two men have ever lived in my house: my cat Hugo who scared the hell out of me, and my Grandpa – who we called Grumpa – who scared the hell out of everyone. Both are no longer with us, so I’m left with the estrogen-filled-fabulous that one of my friends admiringly – I think – called “A 24-7 Sleepover.” Pretty accurate, except for when we don’t sleep, which is often, if you couldn’t tell.

I love to write and I really love to talk, so naturally, I was looking for another place to run my mouth – ideally about something that mattered – and the Internet, minus Facebook, was maybe the only place I go that’s not already oversaturated with my voice. The number one rule of blogging is to be a unique perspective – I guess you’re wasting your time if you’re not. So I had two options: talk about being a 12-year cancer survivor at age 17, or talk about being the daughter of the two coolest lesbians and maybe the two coolest people you’ll ever meet.

As a motivational speaker, I’ve talked about cancer a lot. I’ve talked about Bucket Lists, living life to the fullest, making the most of every single second, all of it. I even started a Facebook page called Dragon Slayers – what my parents called us during my illness – that was supposed to be a constant stream of inspiration and amazing people beating the odds and making a difference…but ultimately, it fell flat, maybe because I was lazy and didn’t post enough, or maybe because at some point I ran out of ways to say “change the world and live like you’ll die tomorrow.” My ideal dream was to be just like Upworthy, but dang it, I was second. Besides, living with cancer is not a very controversial topic. It’s awful, it’s unfair, you will never be the same afterwards, and sometimes that means your life is forever changed for the better – like mine – and sometimes it means your family is irreparably broken because this dragon stole someone you love. I am one of the lucky ones; cancer in so many ways defines who I’ve become, but it doesn’t define my life anymore. From that unique perspective, I had fewer unique things to talk about every day. So I moved onto Plan B: lesbomoms.

There are plenty of gay parent blogs – at least 25 because I found a top 25 list. I figured there would be fewer, but still plenty of blogs from children of gay parents, and so I searched for them to try to find out how I could stand out, or if I even had enough new things to say that I wouldn’t just be polluting the airwaves. There’s not plenty, there’s not even few; there’s not one. Not a single blog in the world about having gay parents, actually written by the child of two moms or two dads – and if Google can’t find you, no one can. There is one book about having two moms that I know of and it’s written by a son. However, I did find lots of articles on a ridiculous new study rating the children of gay parents versus straight parents and claiming we were less likely to graduate high school – daughters of gay parents “considerably less likely.” I just got accepted to Stanford, bitch. Don’t tell me I’m considerably less likely to do anything. That was the last fuel my fire needed.

Here was my chance to say something that matters, that is relevant, that is sad and hilarious and exciting and important – and definitely unique – all at the same time. Having two moms does define me – and also totally doesn’t define me at all – every single day in a way that needs to be talked about. Needs to be talked about or else child rankings will be seen as fact, needs to be talked about because maybe it will help more people understand, needs to be talked about because modern families are more common every day, needs to be talked about because I desperately want gay moms and gay dads and gay kids who may be struggling or feel alone to know that we are proud and we are more than okay.

My sisters and I are healthy, well-adjusted, intelligent, brave, mostly sane and perfectly imperfect. We are beautiful, despite our flaws and because of them, and are ready to take on the world. We are Dragon Slayers, we are sisters, we are friends, but mostly I think, we are daughters who love our moms – and are loved back – as much as is humanly possible. Our family is different, just the way we like it. We’re an adventure. I hope you’ll join us.

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28 thoughts on “Someone Needs to Start This Blog and I’ll Be Damned If I’m Second

  1. As the mom of a lesbian, this made me smile. I am SO looking forward to grandbabies – I hope she’ll bring me one as lovely as you, Kinsey. Best wishes and well done! Also – Stanford. Awesome!

  2. You continue to make me proud with what you write and the way you think. I won’t say I don’t wish you had ended up at U of K, but you deserve to go to the school of your dreams and I couldn’t be happier that Stanford is now a reality. Hope to see you use your talents to make a difference in the Commonwealth!

  3. So pleased someone is writing about a family dynamic such as yours! Being a lesbian it is always uplifting to see people sharing their stories without fear of repercussion.

  4. There is one thing I’ll never forget and has always been funny to me. Karen driving me around for what seemed like an eternity with something to say but not knowing how to say it. After a long talk filled with discussions, explanations, and definitions she finally says, “Do you know what I’m trying to say?” My response, “You’re gay?” It looked like a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. I was just sitting there waiting for more but that was it. That was all she had to say. Something that had never crossed my mind to even matter to me but had meant so much to her. I am proud to say when the subject arises, “My aunt is gay, successful, not to mention the greatest aunt in the world!” and that some of the best childhood memories and experiences in my life happened around your moms not to mention most of them only happened because of your moms and there isn’t a day that goes by that I am not thankful for my Aunt Boo! (aka Karen)

    1. Awwww! So sweet! Made me cry. I remember you asking why so many of our friends came in pairs 🙂 I cherish those memories, too! And the photos. And how super sweet you were with Granny! Just the best. Love you!

      1. Kinsey, I love your blog. The world would be a better place if everyone loved themselves and didn’t criticize others that they feel is different. At the very young age of 17, you have already done some great things in your life. This has happened, because of good parenting from 2 moms. I am very proud of you.

  5. I just stumbled onto this blog and I am blown away. I do know your mom, Karen through a professional association. I have daughters around your age ( just two). Reading all your entries made my heart swell, tears fall, and maybe just a bit of envy creep in. If every family could raise such tremendously beautiful, talented, caring children like you and be such important members of our community, well then, this world would look a lot different!

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