Well, four of them don’t. Jillian was content calling them “the bird guys and the horse guys”; our baby cousin Piper was more interested in my Calculus book – if THAT doesn’t give you an idea of how boring she finds football, I don’t know what will; Pearlie slept through it since “The Puppy Bowl” had already happened – Pantin’ Manning won, in case you were wondering; and Teagan was only interested in dancing to Bruno Mars during the halftime show.
My Aunt Ann (Anan), who lives with us, is a die-hard sports fan and whipped up some mean guacamole and potato skins filled with vegetarian bacon – the woman has TALENT. I walked in circles between the living room TV, the food, and my senior project paper, not seeing all of the game or doing enough work, but definitely not letting the family down by failing to eat my share of the tortilla chips.
Since the game was SO boring, the most entertaining part was hearing my parents talk about it.
Audrey: “Already two points? They got a safety?
Karen: “Yeah, they threw the ball over his head.”
Audrey: “Whose head?”
Karen: “Peyton Manning’s.”
Audrey: “That’s called a snap not a throw!”
Karen: “Well he THREW it between his legs!”
Karen: “Why did the blue boys get the ball back when the orange boys had it?”
Audrey: “Because Denver turned it over. Again.”
Karen: “Which color are they?”
Before the halftime show:
Audrey: “Who’s Bruno Mars again?”
Jillian and Me Singing: “Cause I’d catch a grenadddddeee for ya! Just the way you ARE! When I was your man! You make me FEEL like, I’ve been locked out of heaven! You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are…” Cue impromptu dance party.
During the halftime show:
Karen: “Oh he seems classy.” Red Hot Chili Peppers enter. “Oh but they DO NOT! Those boys need to put some shirts on! It’s freezing! Have they lost their minds?”
Audrey: “Are those the Red Hot Chili Pipers? I mean peppers? Can’t understand a word they’re saying.”
Karen: “Ugh, I’m turning off this noise off.”
Audrey: “Yeah, where ARE their clothes?”
Afterwards, we all sang the hymn “I’ll Fly Away,” while Jillian played piano and my mom, Karen, ruled the drums, and then we prayed for those poor Broncos/orange boys/horse guys. I’m kidding about the prayer, totally serious about the hymn. Just WAIT until you hear the family gospel band.
Here’s to a God that inspires love, acceptance, and good music, here’s to a commercial for Coke that featured the first gay family ever in a Super Bowl ad – while promoting diversity of all kinds, and here’s to those unstoppable blue, bird boys.