Free From the Religious Oppression of Bigoted Agnostics, Indiana Christians Finally Able to Serve Gay People

rainbow_crossAmazing news out of the Hoosier State this morning! After decades of being guided by the law to treat LGBT families as second-class — like our government does, for example, by denying marriage equality to millions of families — Indiana business owners celebrated that at last they have the legal protection to love their neighbors as they would love themselves.

Crystal O'Connor, Woman of God
Crystal O’Connor, Woman of God

Indeed, the Gospel of Mark was alive and well today as Crystal O’Connor of Memories Pizza Parlor explained: “Before, I had to go along with my state’s obviously hateful law that I’d be allowed to fire one of my employees just because they’re gay. Now, I’m free to love the Lord God with all my heart, and that’s guided me to see that if God loves all his children, I should treat them all with love and respect too.”

Love just kept coming up as we interviewed other liberated Christians — you’d almost think it was a central tenant of the Bible or something. Pastor Jeff Sangl of Greensburg turned to First Corinthians and reminded us, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking… Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” He continued, “Sometimes for those bigoted agnostics, America’s self-evident truth that all people are created equal isn’t enough. But as Christians we hold ourselves to a higher standard. If we’re called to a love that always protects and rejoices in the truth, we must use that love to protect our gay friends and neighbors so they can stay true to themselves.”

As if this glorious news weren’t enough, the Ten Commandments are also further protected through the Religious Freedom Restoration Act. Before, if a gay couple got married on Saturday, they could be fired from their job or kicked out of their house on Monday. That caused many newlyweds to have to spend Sunday packing up their lives and cleaning out their offices, clearly not resting on the Sabbath. Now they could get married after church on Sunday, have their wedding cake delivered by a Christian bakery that logically jumped at the opportunity to bless this holy matrimony with delicious icing, and have it all captured by a Christian photographer who was honored to celebrate two people declaring their dedication and love for each other before God. Then the next Monday after their honeymoon, they could come back to work and continue to contribute to society after their once unprotected jobs were safeguarded by their Christian business-owning allies.

Ready to give J. Christ a High Five
Ready to give J. Christ a High Five

As the Christian daughter of two moms, I’m so grateful to Jesus’ thirteenth disciple, Governor Mike Pence, for allowing people in the church to act upon the love, faith, and fellowship they supposedly believe in by openly welcoming families like mine into their businesses. We can only hope my own state’s top officials — Gov. Steve Beshear, and Senators Mitch McConnell and Rand Paul — will see the light and follow suit.

Author’s Note: I pray for the day when the only thing satirical about this article is the idea that a gay couple would want a pizza parlor to cater their wedding.

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